>After every flight, Quantas Airline pilots fill out a form, called a
>"gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
>The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,
>and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>
>Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
>some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the
>solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
>
>By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
>accident.
>
>(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
>(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what they're for.
>
>P: IFF inoperative.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right.
>
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>P: Mouse in cockpit. (This one's great, too!)
>S: Cat installed.
>
>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>pounding on something with a hammer.
>S:Took hammer away from midget